Here is what 'Kristyn Edgar' has submitted under Obituary:
Kristyn Edgar lived a sad life. She was born in West Virginia, raised in West Virginia, and, you guessed it, LIVED HER WHOLE LIFE IN GODDAMN WEST VIRGINIA. -ahem- When she died in the very tragic flossing accident )the floss became possessed and strangled her to death), her father commented "Oh." her mother said "No!" and her sister said "WTF ARE YOU PEOPLE DOING IN MY ROOM WITH THAT VIDEO CAMERA!? TAKE YOUR STUPID INTERVIEW EQUIPMENT AND GET OUT!! AND CLSOE THE DOOR ON YOUR WAY OUT, TOO!"